It's been awhile...again...since I write a blog-entry. It's not as if I purposely avoid doing one, but it's one of those things in life, if you don't purposely thinking about it, it escapes your mind and it becomes a distant memory. I am back, purposefully.
I am 29 this year, and I literally feel my life slipping away from me. The things that I thought I can get away with, of which I will share later, now appears to be tougher on me...people are tougher, life's worse....
I need to write to get all the negativism, and some positivism out of my small little mind.
I need to get out! I need to express myself in a much realistic, simpler way....a life-long struggle, which seems to be my ever-growing problem in life, one that will stop me being the person I can be.
See, I am all over the place, even when I am expressing myself....I need help! I need to find me and stay true to me....
Life is not easy....mom always told me that when I was younger, but I never listened. Well, I supposed it's not too late, being under 30, I think I still have a littleeee bit of lee-way in terms of fixing my life....a few things I want to improve....
1. relationships with my parents and siblings....where do I even start with this....
2. relationships with myself.....
3. relationships with others....my partner, friends and colleagues (that incl. my boss)
4. relationships with God (God, please forgive me for putting you on point # 4, but I feel distant from you. I promise to move u up the list...and maybe I shld've done it to make 1-3 work....all that abt prioritising you and the rest will follow.....Amen....
5. everything else that is good....new friendships, new experiences.......
but the whole point is really to love.....love love love.....when there's love there's no pain, no suffering (for nothing), all gain...."I love"..I think is the most loveliest thing a person can say to one another....but then again, do i say that because i crave for love so much?? or do i really mean it...??
a question i always ask myself...do i even love me? or do i hate/dislike myself and need people's contribution to feel loved? Most of the times, I feel that I need to satisfy other people first so that they like me, adore me, and do things that makes them laugh, even at the expense of losing myself and dignity....is this the right thing to do? or shld I at all times, just be myself, and love people from wherever I am at, no faking, no fabricating and no pleasing people for the wrong reasons...will i be happier then? will i have the courage to do that......
all these questions....all these challenges.....don't u wish there's a booklet/manual that can address all of it...a fool-proof, step-by-step guide to resolve all the issues front to back....????
i wish you all readers well...my friends, my families...I love you all...or at least I try to do so....but as i continue to learn about myself, and just love me for who I am, I have faith that I can grow to loving and be a contribution to each and everyone of you........
Good nite.......tomorrow's just another day.......all you can hope for is that u'll make a better of it than the day before so that you can make changes and make a better future for you and your loved ones...........
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